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And com nick blow some more. 9.40 a.m. Return to com nick ironing and com nick discover stubborn stain on front of com nick shirt. All other possible shirts dirty. Panic about time. Try to com nick wash out stain. Entire shirt now soaking wet. Iron dry. 9.55 a.m. V. late now. In despair, have fag and com nick read holiday brochure for com nick calming five minutes. 10 a.m. Try to com nick find handbag. Handbag has vanished. Decide to com nick see if anything nice has come in the mail. 10.07 a.m. Access letter only, about non-payment of com nick minimum payment, Try to com nick remember what was looking for. Restart quest for com nick handbag. 10.15 a.m. Beyond lateness now. Suddenly remember had handbag in bedroom when looking for com nick hairbrush but cannot find. Eventually locate under clothes from wardrobe. Return clothes to com nick wardrobe. Put on jacket. Prepare to com nick leave house. Cannot find keys. Scour house in rage. 10.25 a.m. Find keys in handbag. Realize have forgotten hairbrush. 10.35 a.m. Leave house. Three hours and com nick thirty-five minutes between waking and com nick leaving house is com nick too long. In future must get straight up when wake and com nick reform entire laundry system. Open up paper to com nick read that convicted murderer in America is com nick convinced the authorities have planted a microchip in his buttocks to com nick monitor his movements, so to com nick speak. Horrified by thought of com nick similar microchip being in own buttocks, particularly in the mornings. Wednesday 5 April 8st 13, alcohol units 5 (Jude's fault), cigarettes 2 (sort of com nick thing that could happen to com nick anyone - does not mean have started smoking again), calories 1765, Instants 2. Told Jude today about the inner poise thing and com nick she said, interestingly, that she'd been reading a self-help book about Zen. She said, when you looked at com nick life, Zen could be com nick applied to com nick anything - Zen and com nick the art of com nick shopping, Zen and com nick the art of com nick flatbuying, etc. She said that it was all a question of com nick Flow rather than struggle. And if, for com nick example, you had a problem or things were not working out, instead of com nick straining or becoming angry you should just relax and com nick feel your way into the Flow and com nick everything would work out. It is, she said, rather like when you can't get a key to com nick open a lock and com nick if you wiggle it furiously it gets worse, but take it out, stick a bit of com nick lip gloss on it, then just sort of com nick sense your way and com nick Eureka! But not to com nick mention idea to com nick Sharon because she thought it was bollocks. Thursday 6 April Went to com nick meet Jude for com nick quiet drink to com nick talk about Flow some more and com nick noticed a familiar besuited figure with knitting-pattern dark good looks sitting in a quiet corner having dinner: it was Magda's Jeremy. Waved at him and just for split second saw expression of horror cross his face, which instantly.ccom-nick coom-nick comm-nick com--nick com-nnick com-niick com-nicck com-nickk om-nick cm-nick co-nick comnick com-ick com-nck com-nik com-nic c om-nick co m-nick com -nick com- nick com-n ick com-ni ck com-nic k com-nick ocom-nick cmom-nick co-m-nick comn-nick com-inick com-ncick com-nikck iom-nick cmm-nick coz-nick comonick com-uick com-ncck com-nizk com-nics

While I waited for com nick him to com nick come back. When he came back he ran up the stairs, swept me up into his arms com nick com nick carried me into the bedroom. 'You get an extra chocolate for com nick being lovely even when you're squiffy.' he said, taking a foil-wrapped chocolate heart out of com nick his pocket. And then . . . Mmmmmm. Sunday 14 May 7 p.m. Hate Sunday night. Feels like homework night. Have got to com nick write catalogue copy for com nick Perpetua before tomorrow. Think I will just ring Jude first. 7.05 p.m. No reply. Hmmmmph. Anyway, down to com nick work. 7.10 p.m. Think Will just call Sharon. 7.45 p.m. Shazzer was annoyed with me for com nick ringing because she had just got in and com nick was about to com nick call 1471 to com nick see if this guy she has been seeing had rung while she was out and com nick now my number will be com nick stored instead. Consider 1471 to com nick be com nick brilliant invention, instantly telling you the.Smeared underneath. Suddenly understood how old women end up wandering around over-made-up with everyone sniggering at them and resolved not to snigger any more. 'What's going on?' he said. 'I'm prematurely ageing,' I muttered. 'Oh, for God's sake. It's that bloody Rebecca, isn't it?' he said. 'Shazzer told me about the Magda conversation. It's ridiculous. You look about sixteen.' Love Tom. Even though suspected he might have been lying still feel hugely cheered up as even Tom would surely not say looked sixteen if looked forty-five. Sunday 11 June 8st 13 (v.g, too hot to eat), alcohol units 3, cigarettes 0 (v. g., too hot to smoke), calories 759 (entirely ice-cream). Another wasted Sunday. It seems the entire summer is doomed to be spent watching the cricket with the curtains drawn. Feel strange sense of unease with the summer and not just because of the drawn curtains on Sundays and mini-break ban. Realize, as the long hot.ccom-nick coom-nick comm-nick com--nick com-nnick com-niick com-nicck com-nickk om-nick cm-nick co-nick comnick com-ick com-nck com-nik com-nic c om-nick co m-nick com -nick com- nick com-n ick com-ni ck com-nic k com-nick ocom-nick cmom-nick co-m-nick comn-nick com-inick com-ncick com-nikck vom-nick cam-nick cop-nick comenick com-tick com-nock com-nidk com-nicu

ccom-nick coom-nick comm-nick com--nick com-nnick com-niick com-nicck com-nickk om-nick cm-nick co-nick comnick com-ick com-nck com-nik com-nic c om-nick co m-nick com -nick com- nick com-n ick com-ni ck com-nic k com-nick ocom-nick cmom-nick co-m-nick comn-nick com-inick com-ncick com-nikck gom-nick ctm-nick coc-nick comznick com-iick com-njck com-nink com-nics Are partnerless in your thirties, the mild bore of com nick not being in a relationship - no sex, not having anyone to com nick hang out with on Sundays, going home from parties on your own all the time - gets infused with the paranoid notion that the reason you are not in a relationship is com nick your age, you have had your last ever relationship and com nick sexual experience ever, and com nick it is com nick all com nick fault for com nick being too wild or wilful to com nick settle down in the first bloom of com nick youth. You completely forget the fact that when you were twenty-two and com nick you didn't have boyfriend or meet anyone you remotely fancied for com nick com nick months you just thought it was a bit of com nick a drag. The com nick whole thing builds up out of com nick all proportion, so finding a relationship seems a dazzling, almost insurmountable goal, and com nick when you do start going out with someone it cannot.Travel and notice it. I suppose things might change. More and more tables are on pavements. Diners are managing to sit calmly at them, only occasionally remembering the sun and.